Presumed that you could feel. Never assuming the worst of you. It was a baffling tale to reveal. Soft Melting Pain. Close vibration, sounds felt up and down my body. Just sounds - no meaning. But these words soften my tightness, calm hush calm soft calm warm. I'll always love you. Why I hate dating apps. The Epic of Humbaba. There once was a peaceful creature hidden away in a sweet cedar forest. The forest was ancient with beautiful features, but never a stranger or tourist.
Inside Jokes for Outsiders. Do you remember that time at that place with those people? How could I forget? Omg that was the best! I totally miss it! Oh yeah! I don't know why I struggle to write about the good things Why does intensity only live in the darkness - the pain and depression? Why is the grey of night so much more powerful than the color of day? I asked you if you were happy you said no I asked for your forgiveness you said no you screamed at the top of your lungs about every way I wronged you,.
There is sadness in these bones Deep in the marrow of the house that is my body I am a home to grief and anger You cannot see it in my skin and in my flesh But I flash my teeth and you finally recognize. The Sins of Mortal Men. What is love? What is trust? What is pain? What if love is trust, and trust is pain. In order to love , you have to trust. Trust that it is love and not lust. Receding Affection. The effect of your affection is wearing out You shouldn't have waited so long Kept him wondering if to you he belongs Only for the agony to prolong The place has turned vacant, yet. Growing Pains.
Like a small seed beginning to sprout from the soil A story of many chapters begins The plot of a life's story cannot spoil As the small, naive child widely grins. Your Eyes. For J. The Moon from my bed. Love sucks. Love sucks Scars are just a Lesson. Jagged Pages.
Growing Pain. How one looks back At the clouded idea of what has happened Defines how the future will unfold Pain That used to be scraped knees Or a break up with the one you thought was "the one". To the no longer child. I hate the rain. It's cold and unforgiving fall keeps me from fun. The weight of it when it falls from my eyes is to heavy for my heart to carry. Like Her. Her arms wrapped tightly around me, Her charming southern accent, And the way she looked at everyone with love in her heart. Growing Up.
Being a kid was just the start Everything was a work of art Life was stress free with no worries at all Having fun all day long Dancing with the wind like a song. Train Ride Calls. November 19th am. November 19, , at in the morning, my heart was broken and restored, all in the same moment in time. That night is imprinted in my memory, and on my hip, in stark black ink. False Love's Kiss.
I See. I see the world differently. I grow taller and everything is smaller, But truly the world seems bigger And badder. The world is a mess. How can I do anything to make it better? Another Day. Crossing the days until I reach May,I fall into endless sleep and unreal dreams. Stray today, stay away, to myself I say. I wake up to the sky with clouds of greyAnd. From There to Here and Back.
A boy little more than three seeing the world, With a Soldier and a Mother by his sides. This little boy nothing but what he was told, But he knew he was leaving home while flying over the tides. You are no longer at my side. You are gone, the one who promised me you were here to stay. I mourned in the weeds, damaged and broken. Strength lost. Sunlight producing no more color for me. My undefined pain. Have You? There are different types of pain Good Morning Affirmation. Waking up to my truths - even the flaws are gorgeous I get obsessive and I get insecure. Sometimes I find myself unbalanced, quickly unraveling at the folds.
I may occasionally lose touch, or fall out of love. This morning I took a hike on a trail I once considered my stomping grounds when I was a child, and the reality set in. At the beginning of the year, I met a man named poison Who looked at me and killed my sanity. Your Strife Gave Me Life. You fail to realize the destruction seen in my tears, Of everything you put me through in my adolescent years. Finding it hard to see past the drink; Never taking the time to reconsider and to think. I'm Not Fine. Death Is.
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Humble Pain. Fire under my skin Climbing up my legs My spine My arms Glowing coals of hate Incendiary suffering Deep inside my bones. Blackness surrounds me I can feel my peace call As it hears my plea At last the night will fall. Grief that Made Me Grow. A crack resounds from the soul of the earth.
A Weeded Heart. Guilt blooms in my chest like an unwelcomed garden. But luckily I chose to weed them out before they had any chance to stay and wind around my heart. Just Talk. But I can't bring myself to. You see, it hurts you when you know. I loved you with all I had, And you made my life worth living, I was sure that we would last, But obviously I was wrong. I loved you with all I had,. What Will You Tell Me? If I've fallen and I can't get up will you save me? Will you help me to stay strong? Will you tell me. Get rid of the pain.
No need to be a surgeon. Open your heart wide. Rip your pain away. And if no soul can help carrying it, Put it somewhere, Anywhere, But elsewhere. Put it beneath rhymes and similes. Fool Me Twice. I fell in love once, It was a wonderful feeling, I felt like I was loved, Like I mattered, Like someone in the world cared about me.
I was so broken. The Moon, Cruel as Always. A Story of Love and Loss. He loved not once but twice, And both times it ended badly, Both times he paid the price And his story ends sadly. He was young and untested,. I think God sleeps on Enceladus The Spark. I fear I have lived far too much life in far too little time. In my 16 years I have loved and died and been revived more times than one could possibly count. I am the bolt of lightning, Shocking, fast, and gone in an instant.
I create a smoking crater, But of who left it I leave no hint. I am the stormy ocean,. My Beasts. I live with evil creatures in my soul, I have to fight to keep control. They yell and scream to be let out, And then they punish me after every bout. Big Brother.
Stained Red. Summer of Mother I hated to watch you while you stood Back then, age 9, I knew what was going on. Always falling for the man of sophistication and. Shadows line my concrete walls, Reaching out, They pull at my knotted hair,. To all the ones I ever loved, I felt the sting of your betrayal. I felt the love you claimed to have.
I know how much time you had to put into building you're mask. Through The Sky. Through the sky Death shall rise, On rotten wings will he fly. With the stench of torture on his clothes, He sends Fear into all his foes. Scars Haiku. Whenever I'm pained The scars on my thighs swell up To blood red that's raised. Bleed Haiku. I wish that I could Learn to bleed every night But soon I'll run out.
Pillow Talk. Missing You. How ironic it is, I remember the sight of you, I hear the timbres of your voice. How ironic it is, That life gave you to me, Before snatching you away. The Church Across the Street. The Bell-tower taunts me when I look out my bedroom window. Saints who sin are loved more than me. Their audience comes in droves to the sounds of bells!
I hear them ringing. I go numb with fear. You are my Everything. Knock, Knock, Knock Time to play with her,. A Rose Thrown out to Sea. Carrion Moon. The Moon is Frowning. Satisfied With Me. Thunder and Lightning. The shocking electric pulse, Flowing through my veins. I drop a single bolt,. My life is an infinite number of scars, Marring the planet upon which I walk. Some were caused by others,. Symphony of My Life. My life is one great symphony, So listen to its melody. The drumbeat is my heartbreak, The violins are my sorrow, The low brass proclaims my rage,. I let go. Deaf but Not Dumb.
Those voices I hear in the hallways, Somehow always used to torment me. Cruel words escaped their lips. Poison vowels and sounds, Yet I was taught they were good. I was born this way When You Look At Me. When you look at me, what do you see? I'm a girl who's full of Humanity. I'm someone who fights for what's right, And does no harm so I can sleep at night.
Do you see who I am? Do you really see,. Pain To End All Pain. My heart yearns for a love unchanging. Aches from a fear unfading. I wake and fail before day ever begins. Begging for an end to all the pain I feel. Engulfed in a searing dryness from those meant to help me. Status: Now Hating Candy. Let me tell you of the week I grew up. No, not physically but mentally and emotionally. The physical age does not matter; what matters is that the week before I loved candy. Elegy for Myself. Ode to the girl that died insideOf meMy best friend tells me to conjureUp her dead soul and shake handsWith herBut it would be like misery isshaking hands with sunshine and flowersHow oddOdd,.
The pain he leaves you with is not your identity.
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I'm Just Kidding. Dear Friendship,. Dear Friendship, Why do you make me so happy? Why do you make me so confused? Why do you make me feel lost? Why so happy?
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Why so sad? Why so angry? Dear Love,. One Day One day One day you wake up; You open your eyes. Everything blurs; Everything turns black and white. Ash surrounds your senses; All you feel is numb, Numb pain,. It was always happy endings, But this one seemed so different Knowing that you wouldn't be here anymore I never thought I could stomach the pain Hurting days and nights.
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She taught me to treat everyone as equals whether they clean the toilets or sit in a shiny new office on the top floor. You Are Gone. Leaving Her. Grace be that flower and how she glistens. Your eyes sift along and you don't see truth, It's not about the grace but who listens. She will need you to see through to the youth;. The Education of Pain. It always hurts me. But pursuing love is like trudging my heart through a lee.
I can't help desires. They will come from deep inside, With no way to hide. I don't wish to disgrace them, But only to keep them calm. Rudy Valle. My Old Life. I just want my old life back, I had everything I wanted A job that I adored, A hobby that brought immeasurable joy, And a love that seemed unshakeable. I live with a creature Deep inside my chest. This beast urges me to die,. Almost Pass For Normal.
Painful Division. When did my feelings become second to yours? Why are my opinions wrong and absurd? When did my silence become your turn to speak? Why, to you, am I small and weak? Why, when I give the world, do you a. This is an ode to the boys who have hurt me. I will not talk about the ones who came before the ninth grade,.
Secret place. Hands held, hearts cradled. Eyes shut, fear of loss and pain. It all came to head that day. Back to the beginning,. Leaving the Shadow. Now she's the girl he told everyone about, bragging, changing, manipulating the reality of what really happened. She got stripped of her clothes, stripped of her trust, stripped of her youth.
Finally, I'm free from you free from the pain you give free from the anger you clinged to me free from the hate of what you've done to me free from the fear you've bestowed me. Forgiving Myself. Every day flying by numbly, Until the day I decided the numbness coincided with failing to forgive myself I went under it, over it, around it, but never through it because that is where.
House of a Monster. That person is you. That's what it means To concede to the fear, To feed the bearer, To bleed from the wounds, bestowed on you from the pain you've taken even the words you've spoken to make it all better. I am a victim. I am a victim of my own mind. I hold myself captive. I am also my own abuser. For years I have abused myself into being the victim of my own mind. I Am A Warrior. You can't hear me You can't see me You can't feel me You have given birth to me But you ignore me I am alive!
Not your dearly departed And yet still to you I am a failure, forever imperfect. My Curse. They say god created us from clay. Still Lost. Silver Sight. Why am I the only one? Why don't they give up? Painful Christmas.
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This holiday is hollow, These cheery ones are lost. Everyone is happy, It seems Everyone But me. I always feel alone,. Pain and Life Diamante. Pain Infinite, unbearable, Pulsing, living, screaming, Yelling my name, begging to stay, Fighting, questioning, hating, Confusing, lost,. Dark and Light. Both had their qualities, I loved them for different reasons. The dark one was like me,. The Turtle. I was given a gift by someone I truly loved, A little green turtle, Something I could put on my key ring.
She had one too, And it made our love grow stronger,. Through the darkness There shall always be light While through the joy There shall always be fright But through the pain There is nothing but might. The Cold, Dark Pool. My day goes by, all a blurry haze. I'm slowly drowning in a cold, dark pool. People pass by, reaching out thier hands.
Scared of Love. I was in love once, And a painful ordeal it was. I tried so hard to be the perfect one, To be the one that she wanted. Fallen Angel. I am a fallen angel, Darkness is my garment, And fury is my weapon. I was once wreathed in light, And I did the bidding of my master. Move On. Darkness is around me, I am hidden from the light, The life that I strive to live in. There was once a Bright Star, It penetrated the dark. Lost Twice. It happened twice.
I let myself believe. I thought that I might matter. I loved and lost, And was broken eternally. This is Me. They say my writing is expansive It's alot to say When been through a life of tragedy And empty space The thoughts in my head you can never see Cause your never me Sometimes tears fall on these pages. Do you know the pain? What I'm suffering now Do you know how my head spins? When I'm constantly thinking about you Do you know the love?
I have poured on you Do you know the stuggle? From My Window. You watched me from my window and took out your anger on my body with your eyes. He shook me furiously and the thunder shook the house surrounding my fragile skeleton. They see reaching arms. Pain and Me. I can feel the pain sucking marrow from my bone leaving a blinding headache behind wishing for the pain to stop Yearning for the ache to fade Hoping for a moment of bliss To come and wrap me in a hug.
World of Dreams. Fear is Not to Be Run From. A tight emptiness in my throat A quick consideration of options but endlessly told to say nothing Youth does not hide the terror in trying or the knife swallowed as i do nothing. Scarlet Ribbons. Someone Save Me. Someone save me from this pain, It keeps me trapped inside my brain.
Pay attention to the sunlight, the sunlight is the most warm, visible radiation of all. Down, down into the darkness it goes- the hot, the tender, the close. Her face is broken with tears, Her heart is shattered with grief. Holding no sympathy, his face was blank. His heart is cold and dark. Love destroyed them,. Letters bleeding bodily into blank sheets Whispering wildly in her mind Flowing creatively through the ink Mind forgetting the outside world Only imagining the one within Wishing wholeheartedly to go.
Holes In Souls. It always seems like something's missingFrom my hollow lifeAnd I appreciate the kissingBut there's a hole insideI'm looking for the thing to fill itThe missing fucking pieceSomething has to fit. Common Pain. A Voice. Fear, Find the ones that you hold dear.
Fear, Keep them safe for I am near. Fear, You are the useless broken seer. Where are My Angels? These demons always plague me, They keep me in constant torment. Where could the angels be? The demons only get riled,. Everyone has demons, But mine are different. They feed on my pain, And play with my sanity. They jump from shoulder to shoulder,.
Every time I close my eyes, A star explodes inside my mind. This exploding star,. The Beast Inside. This demon in my head, It fills me with hatred And fuels my pain. It denies me sanity, And reminds me of my loss. It plays back my memories,. Black Hole. My life is a black hole, Sucking in everything around it. Even light cannot escape my darkness, Even those that I love cannot withstand it.
Someone Else. She was always by my side, And she took away my pain. She fixed all of my brokenness That was trapped inside my brain. She shone brighter than a star,. Something New. I am a tortured human soul, The world would be better, If I go. None More. Slow dancing to Sam Cooke under the mountaintop stars, Cooking creamy chicken parmesan alfredo Saturday night While hearing the pot singing and sizzling.
Laughing until our insides crumble in pain,. You hide behind hills, Curves of rock snaking up, Strangling The lakes and rivers-- Your tears. And the blades of grass, a fine-woven net To catch, To cut, To keep. You are not really there. Everything but Nothing. I never know what you are. Because every time I see you, it hurts a little less. You are everything and nothing Everywhere and no where I never know what you are. I get thoughts. A lot. They crawl slowly through your brain. They take there sharp fingers and grind them into the flesh of your brain.
Whats wrong with me? I cried and cried I'm gonna die. Die this way, There is no cure for my pain, Four new doctors, They're all the same. The X-rays are normal. EMG too. These Fucking Memories. They slip;. She Was There. And when I needed you the most, there you stood with her in my place.
All You Have Left. Silent, Loner. Empty, hollow. Childs Pose. I ignored it. What a terrible word that holds a painful truth. I dread these six letters, as anyone would. Your Requiem. The first thing my mother did, when a boy broke my heart, was open the windows. She said that letting in the air, and erasing his smell. Monday Blues. I could hear the wind, rustling through your veins, when you opened your mouth and the gnarled wings of a hummingbird fell out.
I could taste the regret,. Tears of Fear. I slept hard as a bear That eats so much food in a dark cave, What no one notices all the time, My ears can hear, but I have weary tears; Beyond the walls, there is so much fear,. I love to dance But it's been corrupted And corroded And with every twist and turn I fall deeper into a world Of my own. The Pain I Feel. You're mind is scarred. An Apology. I am sorry that my decisions led you to today.
Capable fears. And whilst my voice they won't hear and my face they may not see,. Why pick? Lady of Silver. There is no denying it, she was first I imagine her next to you, your arm wrapped around her As it had once been wrapped around me Sometimes I wish I were a less kind soul. Christmas: a tiny holy thingy blinking strings tie often streetpoles redded hands in boiling coffee not in mates palms smile holds a teeth holes sauced up by dentist.
I'm Fine. I lie awake thinking While staring at my ceiling About so many things To name a few: my day Tomorrow The paint chip on The wall. Let the aroma, the sweet intoxication, of the lilies take you away. Their white petals, beckoning, follow them. Just a reconnection. Please, it is all I ask. Just one spark could set ablaze our past. We could be something again. Yeh Dil Mera! Dhundhane Ek Hi Pataa.. Shayad Tumhe Dhundte Dhundte.. Zindgi Ki Ye.
Cutting a Little Too Deep. I Weakened Myself for You. I weakened myself for you. You heard me crying out for help but you acted like you could not hear. Somewhere before sunrise,before the first bird crows to dawnand the apathetic are yet to uncurlthe grit that gathers like dustbetween the fold of shallow eyes.
Thorny Rose Bush. Clock is ticking…mind is wracking…thoughts are racing…. May, The Devil's Apple. And just like the serpent tempted Adam and Eve with the forbidden apple, the burning desire for you to be mine led me into your coils of damnation. Insane, Pain, Strain. I Love You Differently Now. The Lonely Boy. Death says to meCome here my boy,I'll take you away I think, "I can finally flee"I am not playing coyThe pain will go away. I hope nobody trusts you againlike I did you I pray you never hurt another personlike you did me You carved into my soulAnd have taken peicesThey will never grow back.
Thy Torn Skin. This letter is me saying goodbye. To Her. Fragility is the stability of the broken mind Do not confuse the lies that hold the two down To be fragile is the empowerment of the vulnerable To be stable is the advantage of the emotional. Do you bleed? Goodmorning Honey. Goodmorning honey, so they say distant at heart.. Into A Fantasy Inspired by the song. Why Me? A teenager who is misunderstood by those who think they understand. Disturbed Emotions. Belov'ed Silver. Precious to me is he who's friendship is geater in value than any metal. He who suffers the pangs of loneliness, self-mutilation of failure, stings of two unrequited loves, labido's growling stomach,.
The Broken Spirits. Late at night, the broken spirits sit on barstools, hunched over the counter like question marks They ponder their place in this world They drown their sorrows in bourbon to escape the outer flood attempting to engulf them. Not A Game. Why is my mind so. Why is my mind so blank? The colors that flash before my eyes, they mean almost nothing to me anymore I used to dance in the soft orange of a sunset wade in the blue waters of the distant ocean.
I'll Never Know. I miss the memories I never made and I long for the love. Colors of Pain. There will be times when things between us might not feel so sweet. Those moments we look back on, wishing we could press delete. I might find myself tripping, when I only meant to sweep you off of your feet. You want to love me but. You don't love me. You want to love mebut You don't love me. The Alternative.
Our Society. Could You. Dreams die at an early age When you would rather support a celebrity, a stranger, other than your own children. When you can't make it to a parent teachers conference, To hear your child's accomplishments. In The Midst Of Night. People are not all that they seem, streams of lowered self-esteem. Darkness running through and through, constantly running into you.
My play-doh set. My brown barrette. My high top shoes. My young views. My dirty shirts. My elbow hurts. My parents yelling. My lips never telling. Flowers Bloom. The water runs clear, and once it reaches bottom, it blooms into a pink flower. The slight sting of the water it welcomed, any pain is welcomed. The scars run deep through this tattooed.
The Baltimore I Know. Old roads and new hoes, you know how this essay goes. Crime rampant on the streets. Homeless men, calloused feet. Overdoses, opiates. Young people with too much hate. Gun violence, death from crime. Because I Because I am a nice person,I will mother and worry over you. Because I am a nice person,I will let you have your way.
Because I am a nice person,I will let it slide. Because I am a nice person,. There you go again. Leaving me behind. Take me with you! No, don't take me. Not this time. I yearn, And when you finally offer, I reject. Because if I accept,. I try to run up it with every ounce of speed but then I trip and then I fall.
Gravitating backwards she declines,Liquefying to earth's compression's,Ruined but intertwined,Cannot bypass innocent transgression. Undescribable pain, Writhing hands and feet, Radiating ove ones self, Yet it feels like nothing. Crying with no tears, Clawing at the flesh, Yet it comes from within,. The Phone Call. Mom- Yes Imani. I- I have something to say. Mom- Yes Imani what is it. Pain Glennon Doyle Melton. They told you time would heal. I blame myself too as a mother we do.
Why did I not see him do that? Only a minute or 2 different and we could still have him.
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We all know we love our kids more than life itself but I now know we love them times more than we actually even know. I could t see people for the first 4 weeks so isolated myself. Now I go out with my daughter or his father driving and only to places not near to where we live. But the intense grief and isolating, lonely feelings are just so real yet the word around us goes on.
I send so much love to you. I and I know now that only a mother who loses a child can understand and not just imagine. And the tragica accident makes it feel so senseless xxxxxx. Reading the article and some of the comments have made me feel not so alone, for the first time in months. After an illness, my sister and niece, despite objections from myself and my mom, made the decision to pull the plug and my father passed.
This was at the end of April. Since the funeral and even on Mothers Day, I never hear from my adult and almost adult children. Grief made me see the absurdity and craziness in everybody else. It started when my husband suffered a heart attack and was flown to another hospital miles away where he spent 12 days in ICU attached to tubes and machines before he died.
During this time I stayed with my sister and her husband as they lived in this town. Before using her bathroom, for example, I was lectured on how to properly use it and care for it. It was the same lecture always repeated by her every time I visited. And if I forgot to do something like hang up a towel properly I was scolded. Never mind that I was a little distracted during this particular visit, being sick with worry and grief that my husband might die. But her husband really took the cake by stating that when he came home after work he liked it quiet, and I was disturbing his peace by being on the phone and talking to people and crying and making a lot of noise.
I told him my behavior might have something to do with my husband being near death, but again, in his mind, apparently, what did that have to do with anything? I went and got a motel room. I spent one night there. The next day, my husband had an operation in a last-ditch attempt to save his life. And of course it was — he had died on the operating table. I have vowed to write a book about my experience because there has been so much about it that was not typical.
But there was so much more to endure, as I was to find out through the long months ahead. Dear Becca I am so very sorry for your terrible loss, and on top of that the way your family and people who should have been there for you treated you. So very sad and lonely for you but your words touched me so much and I can really feel for you and send you a huge,warm hug from far away to comfort you a little.
God bless dear Becca. I truly understand your situation.. I lost my mother in an accident 5 months back ans after initial day visits. I dont see any relative visits at my home, where my father and brother lives. No one bothers. No one calls me and ask how we are? I guess same is my experience, got to know the reality check, they whom we call our won people, they are actually not..
Lots of love and healing to u. I lost my dad, my best friend, hero, mentor, business partner…my rock and the best father I could have ever asked for on October 19, unexpectedly. He went into a routine surgery that had a. He ended up being in surgery for 15 hours it was supposed to be 5 hours. We sat there the whole time, anxiously awaiting the news from the surgeon. My dad was a fighter — he survived, but barely. I write this with tears running down my face. We were there with him as the brave and courageous ICU nurses fought for his life. My mom held his hand. He was Its been just over six months and for me, things have only gotten harder and my grief has only worsened.
Its not until you start to thaw out a bit that the ache hurts more and more. The ache I feel is indescribable and as I now know, you can only truly understand the pain when you lose someone so close that you love so much. Sometimes it hits you out of the blue and you feel like someone has sucker punched you and ripped what little is left of your heart out.
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The injustice of it all. Why did this happen? How can he not be here anymore? I replay the moments before his death over and over. I miss him so much. Every inch of my being aches for you. I miss you so much and love you always and forever, Dad. I really hope we will meet again. I lost my father in August , I totally understand how you feel and can relate so well with what you are feeling.
And i am at a total loss. I was my parents care giver for the past 5 years and now they are both gone. I am beyond numb. I feel i am critical at this time in my life. I ask my self everyday why? I just tried calling the crisis center to talk to someone. So I hung up. But to suppress a my feelings and to keep pushing them down is not helping me. I just wanted to put that out there. Because I know. I tried a few different councilors but it was short lived. I needed to deal with his loss not go clear back to my childhood or my other past relationships.
So here I am searching for answers. Hi Rhonda, I lost my father 16 July and recently revisted the hospital where my father died. This happened because my stepdaughter has health issues. During 2 days of being in that hospital with her and my husband, it brought everything flooding back emotionally as if a train hit me from out of nowhere.
One week after this event with my stepdaughter, I have not been able to control my emotions. I am crying when I cook, cry when I start talking about anything to anyone, explode into fits of rage when spoken to by my husband, etc. I think you get the drift. At the beginning of all of this our beloved dog Phoebe age 16 died 5 January He died of an aggressive malignant liver tumour. Our father told no one, but we were told by his doctor at the hospital two months before his death. Even then I looked into his eyes and we talked, he wanted to die. I found some answers to his depression in googling about the 2nd world war.
Particularly about children born and raised during the war years. It was shocking to read about what these children went through during and after the war. I confirmed with my mother that what I read was the truth. It is now clear to me why my father was the type of man he was. Protective, lonely, alcoholic, suffered life long depression but only showed his children courage under any thing that life throws at us. Yes I am sad he is gone, but happy that he no longer suffers. I too have trouble trusting people with my emotions, I prefer to be alone in my grief. I have a deep faith in a wonderful God but we still need each other.
So I have decided to get professional help and have a few close friends, and a great husband, who are there for support when I need them. Having had counselling 30 years ago because of anorexia and dealing with alcoholism, I too know what you are saying about not going over again about the past, Or even finding a good counsellor. I wish you all the best in your journey and hope you get the answers you are looking for. From a grieving daughter Heidi. God Is there for you he will never let you down just keep your faith in god sis. You are loved. Praying that your faith is renewed. My dad was my hero and we worked together and was always the best role model I had.
We lost him Easter Sunday April21 He went in for back surgery and did great went to rehab and came home. He was home for theee days and became super weak and could not walk. Took him to Er they did scans and found he had pancreatic cancer that had spread to his liver and lungs. His liver was shot. This all happened on theee weeks to surgery to death. I have the burden of helping my mom thru grief and my children as well. Julie, I can really relate to your story. It has almost been a year since I lost my father, but things seem to only get harder.
My father was my best friend and I feel so lost and confused. Your comment really hit home for me. My dad had an allergic reaction to his blood pressure medication which caused his throat to close and he went into cardiac arrest. He was resuscitated, and airlifted to a larger hospital. He was out of town for work so my sister, mom, and I flew out within hours to be by his side. After 4 days they pronounced him brain dead, and we were then given a very difficult choice.
To transfer him to hospice care or remove him from life support. He had told my mom that he would never want to live off machines, and if this ever the case to let him go. We removed him from life support on April 29th, He passed within 2 hours with all 3 of us by his side holding his hand. He was only 60 years old. My dad was my best friend, my go to person, my rock. The one person that understood me. We talked every single day. Those days in the hospital and next few weeks feel like a long foggy bad dream.
My heart aches just thinking about him. I cry all the time. I find myself looking up different cases on brain damage after cardiac arrest wondering if we made the right decision. Why him. You are right. No one can only truly understand the pain of losing someone so close that you love so much unless you have been through it firsthand.
There will never be another man like my loving and supportive husband of 51 years. I was his only caregiver for 4 years during the most tiresome and heart-wrenching time of my life. I find that thinking of him prior to his illness helps me cope. And living my life the way that both he and God would have me to helps, as does changing my attitude about my new life and finding ways to. Mourning greets me every morning, but I am determined to not lose my joy or sanity. Other family members still need me in their lives and I need them. No one will ever understand the depths of fear and despair a widow feels, but I find that only I can control myself as daily I venture into my new future.
But I have decided I want to feel happy again. Be sad, but be happy again. My husband would want that for me. I can do this. His love for me endures. I thank God that I had such a loving husband in my life. I will keep going in memory of him. We just lost our beloved best father we could have asked for and are heartbroken and incomplete.
There are no words. KC, would it be ok to connect? Your relationship with your dad reminds me of mine and would appreciate any insight you might have. I sit here reading your life story. Goodness it sounds so much like my mine. Technically I say March 7th because of the time difference when I was in Iraq. The hardest thing is coming home and my Dad not being here. Grief truly changes you.
Every damn day. But I know I have to do my best to be happy and smile when I can otherwise my marriage, my entire life will fall apart. To know I went through so much bullshit in overseas only to loose my Dad. I wanted kids and I always looked forward to him being there the way he was for me. I hate death. I really flippin hate death. God I miss him. As ironic as it all is to me, these things have never left my mind. We had our daughter Jan. Our baby shower was Jan 10th , and Jan 11th we had a really big falling out.
Fast forward 5 almost 6 years. Jan 10th I wanted To call him and apologize and try to get things aligned for our daughters upcoming birthday. I being stubborn decided to put it off til the following day. Jan 11th the whole day just seemed odd, I still was putting off calling him and instead decided to take a nap.
I cant Recall what my dream was about but it woke me abruptly and prompted me to go into a panic search for my phone. When I reached My phone it was face up in the middle of my bedroom floor and I had 6 missed calls from a friend that I hadnt Spoke too in god knows how long. I cannot Explain the feeling that immediately overcame me as I listened To painstaking voicemails of her crying as he gasped in the background taking his last breaths.
He had been brutally murdered. Shot 6 times. Two weeks before our daughters 6th birthday, before I got To apologize, before we got to make it right.. I had Been with my boyfriend at the time for 2 years already I got Pregnant right after his death, everyone told and tells me that my baby boy was sent as a light to me in such a dark time. It should get easier with time but for me? I really Just wish I could Bring him back for my daughter. That was her pride and joy, I feel Like daughters have very special places for their dads.
Idk what to do. Please pray for me. I lost my beautiful, smart, funny precocious 8 year old daughter November 28th, She was so adventurous and never let her illness stop her from trying new things so we thought we were in the clear. That terrible day we went to wake her up for school and my sweet girl was gone. I still cant believe this is my life, that my best friend, my heartbeat, my whole world is gone.
I know how every one here feels because my pain is still so raw. I so am angry with God and I try to get over these feelings but it is hard. I see so many kids that are unwanted and mistreated and unloved. I loved mine, mine was taken care of so, why did he take her? Some days it almost to much to bare but I have to think about my son, who is now my only living child.
NO parent should ever have to bury their child. I am dealing with the loss of my significant other March 28 to cancer after 25 years together. She was such a great partner, sister, daughter and most of all — mother. I too have questioned God — not fully understanding why so many suffer without intervention. I will pray for you and your family during this most difficult time and hope that someday God will provide the comfort you so much deserve. I am so sorry for you. I wish I could do something. Your daughter was so lucky to have had you.
When my wife was 8 she lost her mother and then went thought abuse sexual and physical at the hands of her father and brother. I am going through my own grief re children. But I just wanted to say how lucky your child was to be loved so much by such a a wonderful person. Thank you, Moira! Thank you for trying to encourage me- you did. I have always been very emotional, sensitive, but somehow that makes me an exaggerator or weak to them.
I love my family but I knew this would be how they would act. I am still trying to get past that, not connect it to my sister. My whole life has been a series of people leaving me, and more then just moving on- ignoring me, leaving without a word, erasing me. Something must be very wrong with me, my family, to have this keep happening. I am very lonely and I am just trying to resign myself to this is what I get.
I love my family. I love the Lord too. I know he has a plan and is with me, holding me up. Thank you for the hugs and prayers! A big hug to you as well. She was 37 years old with 6 young children. She was a hard sister to connect to and be around since childhood, I even almost had decided to not take my one a year vac to visit her anymore bc it was too painful.
I dont understand that!!? I still. And the kids would visit with her throughout the day and then next minute be wild, be playing- oh the pain that brought! The doctors gave her months and she died in 3. She said God would heal her and to say otherwise was disbelief. Yes, I am angry at her, her husband, God, but I am everything else and in between as well.
I am struggling to find anyone who will let me talk about it and unable to make sense of it. The aftermath and changes are as bad as going through her dying. I have no friends, they have all cut me off or said hurtful things. My heart is broken and I am so tired of pretending I am ok and getting better. I already asked for the anniversary day off from work, but no in my family understands why. Life goes on, keeps going forward, but I feel this was my line crossed. This was the slap in the face that things will never be better or right.
Yes i have some problem related to death now a days i can t even sleep cause of thinking death and losing my parents some day etc i dont have any one in life to talk every one is fake.. Hi Kristi. Im so sorry for your loss. Have you considered counselling? It may help. Sending love, hugs and prayers to you. Take care. Kristi, i am so very sorry to hear your story. It breaks my heart you had to lose your sister like that. I would like you to know you are not alone in this world. For some reason, most people are not equipped to comfort or allow for raw human emotion.
That makes our pain seem even worse. Can i suggest you find a good book on grief?? I hope you can find some strong relationships maybe a grief support group that can help you along this difficult journey. I lost my lover 2 months back, feels like i just heard the news. He was hit by a car while walking far away from the street. Life changed. I know he is gone but my mind is still failing to process it. I see him every where. I remember all the hugs, kisses, smiles, the looks he gave me. I was the only one and i loved him just as much. We made plans. I was supposed to be the last face he saw before going to bed at night and the first to see in the morning.
We dreamt of how he was supposed to kiss me good morning everyday. He promised me he wasnt going anywhere and now he is gone. I feel lost, i feel betrayed. I feel like i have no much to live for. Some days are easier.
Will it ever get better. I now tell his pic, i will see u again soon and when i get home, i want u to be the one welcoming me. I feel you, he passed away on 6th Nov and I have still not come to terms of losing my soul mate. We made love on the 5th night, laughed, cuddled and passed out, next morning he was shaking uncontrollably and in a few minutes he was gone, right before my eyes, I thought it was a nightmare.. But I know for sure, we will meet on the other side.
I am feeling all of these things you have described. I lost my husband of almost 3 years just 18 days ago. He had a massive heart attack while being taken into police custody on a bogus warrant. The pain is overwhelming. I have no desire to go on, i long for his arms holding me again. I never knew grief was so horrible. I have never known pain this intense. Everything, literally, reminds me of him.
He was my lover, my best friend, my confidante, my partner in crime, my ride or die, the only person I truly knew who had my back right or wrong and the only one i ever completely trusted. I will always love you with all of me. Watermelon forternity baby! He had just had shoulder replacement surgery and was doing well. I rushed home to find him dead on the floor. After 40 years of marriage the only man I have ever loved was gone just like that. I am surrounded by support. But the one person that would give me the support I needed is gone. I sleep with his shirt.
It has his smell. All the emotions listed in this article I have felt. I know I will go on for the sake of all who love me. I have to. But a part of me is gone. We shared a bond that any couple would dream of. He often told me I loved him too much. I am heartbroken , but that is the price of love. Pamela I just lost my significant other and best friend of 25 years to cancer.
Such a terrible disease. I am really struggling to come to terms of what my life will be without her. I will pray for you and hope you may find comfort someday. They were jumping and robbing my neighbor and my mom went outside and yelled for my brother to go out and help the kid from getting beat up. I was asleep after a long day of work btw.. So anyways my brother ran outside and broke up the fight as my mom watched from our driveway.
The 3 boys ran to a Honda Civic and took off. As they took off at a high rate of speed, they swerved onto the sidewalk and hit my mom. Witnesses say my mom held onto the hood screaming and the driver jerked the car to the right and she flew off and hit her head. She died right there. Idk how to handle it. She was my best friend. I feel so lost without her trying to move on everyday and live out my life but all I do now is fear death. I really fear it. Losing a parent is so hard. I recently just lost my father. The heartache is so unbearable. My sister has said its helped her understand grief a little more each time.
Have you tried going to bereavement group therapy? I lost my son Nov , he was the greatest treasure I have been in love with. I am having a hard time Danny I love and miss you always son lu dad. Albert, So sorry for your loss. No parent should ever have to bury their child.
I pray that God will give you comfort at some point. It is not wrong to feel empty. I lost my mom on March 4th I feel like I will never be okay. I often cry at night because I miss her so much. I often think about calling her just to hear her voice again only to realize I never will be able to hear her voice again. And it sucks, it F-ing sucks because I feel guilty that I never spent that much time with her the years leading up to her death, so did she die knowing I love her?
I hope she did. Roman what are you doing here? Seriously this is just so disrespectful of others telling their stories about grief and reaching out. How rude and insensitive!!!!!!! Everyone—including my mother in law—has told me to move on. I was with my husband for 3 years. Married for 1 year out o fthe 3. Nothing that i can feel like i need to be happy for. We even picked out names. My father in law is in battle with me, there were 4 things i wanted to keep that belonged to my husband.
His jacket, His phone, His shoes, and his wedding outfit. I asked for these things from my in laws. I gave up the money. They kept everything.. So finally decided i would give up the phone. For the first time in my life, i feel like God is so unfair to me.
I smile at work.. I cannot have a single lighthearted conversation with my fathe rin law nor my mother in law. Nothing seems to make me happy. My husband has never let me cry. If i did, he would turn the world for me. Sincere thoughts are with you, regardless of how long you where together, just having something of his will be a cherished item. Its so sad that the family are not allowing you to have this, I know they are grieving too and maybe they will eventually hand over once their grieving has softened.
Everyone grieves differently and no one can tell anyone how to etc. I just hope that they do see the thought in it for you and that your not alone now surrounded by supportive group of friends and family. Its fresh, its raw and it hurts like hell. Focus on you for now and your memories. I hope this turns out positive, sending hugs xxx. Families can be quite insensitive during these times. In fact down right toxic and selfish, remember;.
Genesis — Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Material things are trivial compared to those memories which belong to you. However, it is not your belated husbands parents position to decide whats to be done with his personal belongs. Those belong to you and ONLY you. Should you chose to give any item away to whomever, then so it be. Your in-laws should only offered you support and understanding to your decisions.
Should you give any item away to them, it would only be right for them to be appreciative for your doing so. The money is also a great concern. They have over stepped their boundaries and ignored your be the sole inherent to your late husbands estate. I would not allow any of this. Any decisions made with in the first year will be made out of reaction and not reason. Its during that time that Volutes take advantage of the weak. I sincerely hope you found strength and challenged what they have robbed you of.
I offer you this tool of measuring the value these folks offer to your life. If their presents brings you stress, pay attention. If the relationship is one sided meaning all effort is from you pay attention. If you dont see how they offer any value to your life, then by all means remove them. Holding on to and complying with toxic relationships will only steel your happiness and will offer you nothing towards an healthy relationship.
So dont be afraid to rock the boat and have boundaries. Who cares if they get angry with you or put pressure kn you to do. Hi sweetheart you have a lot to live for and your whole life ahead of you. God will bring you through this. Sending angels your way. May God Bless You.
I am so happy that I found this tonight. I lost my mother on December 23, and my life partner on December 27, My partner was with me while my mother was passing but then he died unexpectedly of a heart attack four days later. I knew I was not crazy but also knew that I was damaged. I want to be strong for everyone around me, especially my boys. Thank you for letting me know that this will happen for a while. I am crazy right now, but it is okay. I lost my spouse of 30 years in Dec. She died of stage 4 cancer, and it has turned my life upside down.
I miss her all the time. I isolate, cry, yell. Trying to get on with things but nothing makes a lot of sense. This is so hard. I was with my husband for almost 13 years 3yrs married I took him to Key West for his birthday. We were having an amazing time. The day of his birthday I made reservations to a restaurant and asked if they could sing Happy Birthday to him and they agreed. We spent half the day at the beach and we were on the way back to where we were staying.
I stopped to take a pic of a tree and he went ahead on his scooter. I rode my scooter to the place we were staying and as I turned right on the street we were staying at I saw him on the ground two women were by his side. He was bleeding out of his nose and ears. I was in a panic and rode my scooter to the police car that was on the cross street. An ambulance was called and he was taken to the lower keys hospital. I was not allowed to go in the ambulance. A good Samaritan offered to take me. I was told to hurry as they were going to fly my husband to Miami via helicopter as soon as they got him to the local hospital.
To my surprise that was not done. They called me to the back room where they had done a bore hole on his head. The tools they used were dripping blood and they basically told me he was going to pass. They sent him to Miami via helicopter I was stuck in Key West we live in Illinois I had to return my scooter, keys to the condo and I had to figure out how I was going to get to Miami. After being in Miami for 21 days we were told my husband was brain dead. I have never experienced do much pain in my life.
My husband turned 32 and did not get to live his 32nd birthday. I never got the chance to sing him Happy Birthday. I am basically a walking robot. I get up and I go to work. I leave work and come home and cry my eyes out. Knowing that I will not be able to hug him, kiss him, talk to him or spend time with him for as long as I am living is so painful.
My faith has been tempted a lot. Our dreams, our story was destroyed. What purpose does God have in taking the ones we love? It hurts so much because the world just keeps on going. I have to pretend like everything is fine in front of people while I am hurting so bad inside. Being with someone you love so much every moment you can and losing them overnight is extremely painful.
My heart is with all of you that have lost a loved one. God less all of you. I do not want to live without him, I lost the love of my life, my soulmate, my husband. Hello Jacob. I lost my mom recently and this made my heart break for you. I hope you can find happiness one day. Know you were loved by him and he will always be with you. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral? But if a spiral, am I going up or down it? How often—will it be for always? The same leg is cut off time after time.
The first plunge of the knife into the flesh is felt again and again. Lewis, A Grief Observed. I lost my husband and soul mate on the 28 December , we too only got 13 years together of marriage, I walk around lifeless, filled with emotions of pain, our three children lost their daddy, their rock. It was so unexpected too, I dont think even having the opportunity to say goodbye makes a difference. I would like to share a few poems I have written to express my grief. Im hoping they help on this site. If I heard your voice again I would capture it in a jar To keep with me for evermore though close yet so far To feel your hand entwined in mine would calm my aching heart I know that your with me, we will never be apart Your eyes always filled with sparkle so shiny and bright One day we will be together in the softest white light.
My husband died in and for rhe first two years I had a lot to take care of. Tbis article helped. I lost my grandma, that i really loved I grew up with , she was like a mother to me. At first i cried a lot but it was weird because it seem unreal i was trying not to cry. Its been a month, i have pain every night and day!
He died of a stroke due to an overdose. He was 32 when passed away. I am going through an emotional drowimg process. I have my 25 year old that lives with me. Ever since my sons passing I am so fearful for my 25 year olds safety in every form. I do feel like I am goimg crazy. Grief is a horrific feelings.
It eats you up menatally, physicall and emotionally. My daughter had the audacity to call me paranoid. The nerve. For these holidays to say I was broken beyond belief is an understatement to say the least. Can I explain it no I can not. It hurts so bad. It geels like it will never end. The coming of the date of his death is so overehelming. I feel so crazy oh lord. I await lingering in pain to be able to be quote on quote normal again. Not going to happen. Throw me a life saver please. Only time only time I hope will help me heal.
Oh how it hurts. As I write my tears just rolls with such sorrow. But in reading others stories I know that I am not alone. Hi Margarita, your post was very upsetting to read, my heart really does go out to you. I just want you to know that this will get easier I promise. I speak from my own personal experience.
Your body and mind grow around it in order to survive. Try not to be angry at your daughter, she is grieving as well for her brother and is taking it out on you. You must stick together during this difficult time. Look after yourself and concentrate on getting yourself through this by focusing on small steps. Your post resonates with me. They were 5 and I was a single mom for 9 years before I met my second husband. David and I were only married 1 year and he was only 46 when he was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma.
David battled like a warrior, but passed away in August of During his illness my father and aunt also passed away-I was the executor of their estates-it felt like blow-after-blow-after-blow, but I was able to keep going because I knew David needed me as his caregive, and my teenage son also needed me. Like you I worry endlessly about both of my sons. Their safety, their health. It is not an exaggeration to say that on a daily basis I have thoughts that one of them will die.
It seems to be happening more often and more intensely. If God really exist I hope my baby is in paradise with his mother But the only reason I do not commit suicide. Is my other kid. My mother passed away 4 weeks before Christmas She was sick. My father who should have been with her was instead staying at a hotel.
She died alone and scared. I miss her so much and am so broken over this. Since this my father is now selling all their belongings and house and is spending every dime they ever had. I have a hard time forgiving him. That was his wife whom he abandoned when she was ill. She confronted him of cheating 2 days prior to dying and now he plays the grieving husband.
I just want her back. She was everything to me. She was selfless in ways you dont often find. Miss you mom. Love you always. I read most of the comments. I send my condolences and love to everyone. I sit here exactly one year and one month from the day my then 24 year old son died.
He complained constantly about how awful the medication made him feel. He finally made the decision to go off all meds and try to self medicate using CBD, which has helped some people with very difficult to control epilepsy. His seizures worsened.